Last, the “burn in hell” crowd that surrounded the Salsa Bowl placed
an absolute pall on the evening. Throw in the early missed field goal by Kirk
“Mr. Automatic” Yliniemi and the Fuskie punt return for a TD and
it seemed that Mr. Karma had predetermined our Beavs fate well before the coin
toss. Of course, our absolute mental implosion with the game still in doubt
didn’t help matters. And on that note…
For the first time EVER I was embarrassed to be a Beaver. Not because we lost
or looked bad doing it…been there, done that and bought the t-shirt. I
was embarrassed because of our guy’s behavior on national TV, no less.
It was absolutely deplorable and they should be ashamed of themselves. Furthermore,
it was like a Level 4 USAMRID virus that spread to even the likes of Steven Jackson, who picked up a nifty pair of 15-yarders. At that point, I started
looking for black helicopters loaded with guys in yellow “Outbreak”
suits to quarantine the whole area. Coach Riley and staff need to administer
the anti-serum NOW as I’m sure I’m not the only one who never wants
to see that kind of display again. Enough said.
Thanks to our gack and Cal’s inability to finish another close one, I
landed at 3-2 for the week and 40-15 overall (73%). Quite frankly, with the
unpredictability of Pac-10 teams from week to week (not to mention college football
games in general…can you say West Virginia?), the picks are starting to
feel like throwing darts. But it takes a lot more than a bit of uncertainty
to stop the Soprano machine!
Oh yeah, I almost forgot that I invited a member of “the family”
to throw in a few choice words this week. Please welcome Jimmy “The
Fish” Castanetto to the fray!
“Howyadoin, Jimmy?”
“You donwanna know…”
“I heard that. Shall we prognosticate?”
“Who ya been talkin to? I ain’t got nuttin wrong wit my prognosticate!”
“Never mind, Jimmy.”
“Fuggedahboudit.”
“Couldn’t have said it better myself…”
Saturday, October 25th
Arizona @ Cal – Birkenstock State, fresh off another
heartbreak loss, host the Mildcats in Ssssssssssstrawberry Canyon and it couldn’t
come at a better time. The Mildcats have improved every week since dumping Malcontent
and will give the Libs a go of it. But, like most of their games so far, the
Kitties will fold down the stretch. The Running Back Formerly Know As Joe should
be able to pin a 100+ day and the Cubby passing game should have a blast as
they get back to their winning ways and keep bowl hopes alive for another day.
Cal 28 – Arizona 20.
Jimmy says, “The only thing I’d pick a bunch-a commie fruit
loops to do is decorate my freakin’ basement!”
ASU @ UCLA – The Scum Devils dodged a major bullet in
Crapple Hill last week, needing a last-second TD to beat a terrible UNC squad.
Were they looking past them to FUCLA this week? Maybe. But, considering the
way they’ve played this year, they shouldn’t be looking past anybody.
Tomorrow, they clash with the mighty Ruins in Westworld. I’m looking for
a very good game, with a late turnover probably being the difference. I’ll
take the Debil’s offense over the FUCLA defense and call for a mild upset.
ASU 30 – UCLA 27.
Jimmy says, “Have you seen dat Scum Devil quahtahback? He’s
got a neck like a freakin’ eggplant!”
Stanford @ UO – The Tree stayed with Wazzugly last week
at home until the fourth quarter. Not bad, but the Bougs were clearly looking
past them and were out of sync most of the day. Another loss awaits The Boys
of Bark as they head to Spewgene to take on the USS Hindenduck. Yeah the ucks
are in a bad way and have changed their name to the _reg_n _ucks because they
have no “o” and no “d”. But the Landfill is still a
tough place to play, even less than full, and I think Bananarama will be ready.
The skid stops for the Quacks tomorrow. UO 42 – Stanford 24.
Jimmy says, “If da freakin’ Quacks blow dis one, Coach Bitchlotti
gets ta sleep with da fishes…so I heard.”
USC @ UW – As expected, the Toejams laid the wood to
the Domers in South Bent last week. For their second road game in a row, they
travel north to the Mountleg Kennel Club to face a revitalized Fuskie squad
coming off their annual thumping of the Beavs (man, that is getting old!). As
good as the Condoms have looked, I’m still not convinced that they are
as “all-world” as they appear. Conversely, the Fuskies are nowhere
near as good as the Beavs made them look last week, but the win couldn’t
have come at a more opportune time. Does the mean beat U$C? I’m not sure,
but I’m gonna pick ‘em anyway. UW 21 – USC 20.
Jimmy says, “Oo, I hate doze freakin’ Fuskies. Somebody needs
to put dem down like da dogs dey ah. Soprano, you got ya head up ya ass again.”
And, saving the best for last…
Da Beavs @ WSU – In the spirit of full disclosure, the
reason Jimmy is with me today is that after watching our last game, he decided
to do a little post-graduate recruiting for his collections crew.
“Watch it, Soprano!”
Sorry, Jimmy. But you have to admit that many of our Beavs wore the “thug”
fedora rather well. Still, as bad as it was, I have a firm belief that it will
be greatly reduced this week. It had better, or else we’re gonna get slapped
in the Palousy even worse than we did at home. With that said, I really like
our chances against Wazzugly. We’re very evenly matched and they’re
due for a loss. No way Big Steve has two bad games in a row, even against the
#1 defense in the Pac-10. The offensive line gets back to business and the offense
(read Mr. Anderson) won’t kill us. This good, old-fashioned street brawl
gets decided by a field goal…the edge, therefore, goes to us, thanks to
Kirk Y. Beavs 17 – WSU 14.
Jimmy says, “Come on, Soprano…youse know we’re gonna
beat dem like rented mules. Don’t be such a freakin’ pansy!”
So that’s it for Week #9. Make it a great weekend and GO BEAVS!
“I almost forgot…thanks for your help this week, Jimmy. It’s
always nice to have a visit from ‘family’ member.”
“Keep pickin’ like dis, Soprano, and youse won’t like
da next visit.”
“Really? You threaten’ me, Fish?”
“I’d never do that, Tone…fuggedahboudit, will ya?”
“What you said, Jimmy. What you said.”
Tony Soprano can be read every Friday. The views expressed in his column
do not necessarily represent those of BeaverFootball.com. He can be reaced
at tony.soprano@beaverfootball.com.