It’s the one day of the year when the entire world is happily covered
in orange and black! A fact, I like to believe, drives the Toilet Seat loonies
right over the edge.
As for my picks from last week, I experienced a horror show of my own by going
2-3 and getting slashed to 70% for the year. YIKES! But, like the idiots who
stayed in the house at Amityville after Evil told them to “get out!”
I’m gonna see this thing through. However, if the walls start bleeding…
To further honor this awesome holiday, I consulted my buddy The Crypt
Keeper, and we came up with a Halloween movie marathon to match the
Pac-10 freak show on Saturday.
So, kiddies, lock the doors, turn off the lights, clutch your sweetie
tight and settle in for our ghoulish Week 10 Predictions.
Saturday, Nov. 1st
“Race with the Devil” (Cal @ ASU) – Birkenstock
State packs the Winnebago and heads for the desert to face the mercurial Scum
Devils. Both teams desperately need to win, not just for their league standings,
but to stay on track for bowl eligibility. Neither team has jack squat for a
defense, so this promises to be a shootout. The Libs are feisty and The Running
Back Formerly Known As Joe is putting together a nice year, but I’m taking
the Pitchforks at home. ASU 45 – Cal 42.
“Night of the Living Dead” (UO @ UW) – CK
and I almost went with “The Ghost and Mr. Chicken”, but this flick
seemed just a bit more appropriate. The Fuskies and ucks have more injuries
than the entire league combined and are forced to tap their zombie squads to
fill their starting rosters. As such, this game may turn it to a battle for
mere survival. Both teams are part of the 2-2 logjam in the middle of the Pac,
but the Zeros hold a two game edge in the overall. The Pups of Mountleg can’t
afford another loss and they know it. Besides, they absolutely hate each other.
Bananarama will be looking to get some payback thanks to the Dance Fever routine
the Fuskies did in the Landfill last year after slapping them around all day.
Soylent Green won’t get it, but it will be damn close. UW
27 – UO 23.
“The Lord of Illusions” (UCLA @ Stanford) –
Only an evil magician could pull off what Coach Good Dog Karl has done…4-0
in the Pac-10 and 6-2 overall WITHOUT AN OFFENSE. Talk about your smoke and
mirrors. The illusion continues for FUCLA this week as they head to The Barn
and take on The Tree. No contest for the Ruin defense and Dave “Wrecking”
Ball, the conference leader in sacks and tackles for loss. No magic necessary
here and its FUCLA in a romp. UCLA 35 –
Stanford 10.
“Freddy vs. Jason” (WSU @ USC) – Hands down,
this will be the game of the year in the Pac-10. The Mausoleum staff better
have plenty of body bags on hand as two absolutely murderous defenses, lead
by Wazzugly’s Will “Freddie” Derting and U$C’s Kenechi
“Jason” Udeze, battle to the death. Hell, there will be more “three-and-out’s”
tomorrow than a typical drunken frat after-party. The winner will be the whoever
screws up the least on offense. After what I saw last weekend, I say Wazzugly
blinks first and often. No more doubt in my mind…the Cal game was a fluke
and the Toejams are for real. USC 21 – WSU
13.
And now, for our Feature Presentation…
“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (UA @ Da Beavs)
– If anybody needs a get-right game, it’s the Beavs. Thanks to a
butt-kicking followed by an implosion, a cream puff is just what the doctor
ordered and a classic slasher awaits the Mildcats in Corn Valley. If we throw
the ball more than 10 times per half I’d be shocked, especially after
seeing Cal’s RB “Joe” post over 200 on the kitties last week.
Steven gets close to 250, Dwight gets over 100 and DA isn’t forced to
carry the team. Furthermore, Richard “Leatherface” Seigler and the
rest of his “Children of the Corn” will be picking fur balls out
of their teeth all day. I hope you all have a strong stomach, cause it’s
gonna get bloody. Beavs 49 – UA 17.
So that’s it, ghosts and goblins. From CK and myself, here’s hoping
you all have a devilishly great Halloween.
Bwahhhhahahahahahahahahaha…
Fuggedahboudit!
Tony Soprano can be read every Friday. The views expressed in his column
do not necessarily represent those of BeaverFootball.com. He can be reached
at tony.soprano@beaverfootball.com.